I was asked about whether I had Postpartum Depression or not.  Honestly I really don't know.  I don't believe I had it at all.  But I think maybe I went through a different kind.  It was a very difficult time in my life, so I'm not quite sure.  For those who know, bringing home your first baby and the adjustment is rough enough.  And for us we had a beautiful baby girl who had colic from day 1 and I couldn’t breastfeed.  NOT MUCH SLEEP IN THIS HOUSE SINCE.  LOL.

Well, when my daughter was 5 weeks old we lost our first baby, our beloved Scottie, Tessa.  She was by far the best dog ever to us and 3 years later just writing this I am still choked up and the tears are flowing again.  We had her for 8 years before our daughter came along.  We took Tessa every where with us and she was as much a family member as we are to everyone.  For those few short weeks that Tessa knew our daughter, she was terrific with her.  When our DD cried, Tessa got one of her dog toys and dropped it right beside her.  Every time we walked into the house with the carrier, Tessa would poke her nose in to make sure the kid was still there.  Tessa really seemed to work hard at trying to comfort all of us even when we didn’t know she was sick and dying of cancer.  She was trying so hard to please and comfort us and not thinking of herself (even the vet told us that).  The worst day of my life was when I had to tell my husband over the phone (while at the vets office) that there was nothing more we could do for Tessa and that the vet said it would be best to let her go.  I stood there by myself and held her and talked to her and told her we would be with her again someday and how much we loved her and Thanked her for everything she brought to our lives.  I held her as the vet gave her the shot and she took her last breathe.  It is still the toughest thing for me emotionally to deal with because I felt like she was our first baby.  God works in mysterious ways though.  Now with understanding we are grateful of the timing of it all cause if it had happened before we had our daughter, it would have been so much worse.  Having our beautiful daughter distracted us and kept us going and from falling apart.  Three days after we lost our Tessa, we left for CT to have our daughter baptized.  I really believe I never had the time to deal with Postpartum Depression or really it just came in another form.  When I felt down, I kicked my own butt and got back up and kept right at it.  My DH had to go right back to work and I didn’t have much help, so I had to do what I had to and what was best for my daughter.  DH was wonderful through everything.  I still don’t know how he dealt with my last month of pregnancy.  I guess it was good he had Tessa to comfort him.  I was horrible and miserable and still apologize for that to this day.  LOL.  We are now venturing into the journey of getting a new Scottie puppy.  We are waiting to hear from the breeder when they will be born.  Our daughter is 3 ½ now and excited about getting a puppy.   We can’t wait either, it’s been too long, but we needed the time to heal and adjust to parenthood.  Yup, still working on the adjusting thing.  We are told that takes a lifetime.  LOL.  Our daughter plays with the Beagle puppy across the street.  He is adorable.  DD says “Sawyer almost bit my finger off”.  He’s a nibbler. 

I really feel for those that suffer badly from Postpartum Depression.  I think loved ones should surround that person and do what ever they can to help her out and help get her through that very difficult time.