There are a few stories I've caught in magazine articles or on the television that have just stuck with me. They are fun to know. For instance, shortly after I was married, I caught an article in a Glamour magazine where they asked women about their honeymoons, looking for a funny story. One woman said that she and her husband had the perfect beach getaway to a private island, white sandy beaches, clear blue waters. After a few hours in paradise, the newly-wedded woman, on the beach, starts to realize that the other people on the shore are particularly good-looking. Particularly the women. In fact, they looked amazing--there were tall, thin, gorgeous bikini-clad women everywhere. Some of those amazing creatures were taking advantage of the private, exclusive island by not wearing their bikini tops. Turned out, the honeymooners were smack dab in the middle of the Victoria's Secrets swimsuit catalogue shoot. To prove it, the article went with a picture of this woman's husband with one of the top Victoria's Secrets models of that time. Now that's a good story.

What's got me thinking, though, is a recent topic on the Oprah show. I love Oprah, she's my girl. I forget what the whole theme was, but 10 minutes into the end of the show they brought on a couple who have an "open marriage." I'm going to throw an opinion at you, if you like it, take it with you. If you don't, send it right back. I'm all for you experimenting with life and society's rules and ways of thinking when you are single without children--and if you'd like to bed the Pittsburgh Steelers all at the same time, hey, I won't judge. I wouldn't even blame you--they are the Pittsburgh Steelers after all. If you're newly married, no kids, and you think you'd like to share yourselves with others--I'd think, hey, you're probably young, you're probably curious--have fun with that.

However, what you do in your marriage when you have a family--that's not all about you, in my opinion. And most of the time that these people want to come out and talk about their "natural" and experimental ways of life, there's a family picture in the background and these people are parents. As is the case with this fun couple on Oprah in the open marriage. But something was fishy about them, and Oprah could see it. It was the wife who had a boyfriend and the husband was completely cool with the idea that the boyfriend comes over to play cards with the husband and the wife and then . . . at the end of the night . . . the wife and the boyfriend head on into the guest room together. See-you-in-the-morning-style. What's what is, that no matter how good they are at keeping that private within their marriage, their children know. You know they know, I didn't have to tell you that. Here's the fishy part: the husband said, "Thisssss doesn't bother me." And waved his hand about femininely. But, Oprah can't ask him that question. So she says to the husband, "Are you seeing anyone?" And the husband says, "I've thrown a few cues out at other people." And Oprahs, "Otherrr people?" And the husband agrees, "Yes. People." You've got to love Oprah.

This leads me to thoughts of one of my favorite stories of all time. I only hope to do it justice in the retelling. It was one of those decorating-in-a-day shows, you know, "Surprise, we've turned your bedroom into a sanctuary while you were off at work!" Only this classic event was "Surprise! We turned your den into the beach!" No joke, complete with sand on the floor and sailor's rope with starfish attached draped along the walls of the room. Surprise! It was a wife setting the scene while her husband was out for the day with his best friend. She adored her husband, she probably adores him still, but I caught this show years ago and you never can tell what will happen. The beach motif is apparently a tricky one, as decorating goes, and the creative ones working on that theme kept running out of time. They asked the wife a few times over to give her husband a call and delay him--or she'd call his best friend and tell him to stay out a little longer.

That is where it would get tricky for me, had I signed up for such a show. I don't even know how to get rid of a husband for as long as it takes to do a renovation. There's a work-day--you've got 8 hours. Other than that, I could buy him tickets to a game, as he is a sports fanatic, but I could only guarantee four hours there. At the game, he'd have a few beers and when my husband has a few beers in him, he especially looouuves me. He'll come find me and there'd be no stopping him. I can just see him staggering in now with his "Lisa, I loouuvve you" eyes and production coming to a halt. On a regular day, that would be fun, but say I was carrying in a lobster tank, complete with live lobsters, to emphasize the beach motif in the office. Then what, I ask you.

But, the wife on this decorating show was doing a fantastic job at delay. She would go off to the phone only for a minute and come back with a, "No problem. They'll be gone another 3 hours. Let's get to work." She just knew he was going to love this whole beach-to-your-extra-bedroom display and his best friend was in on the surprise so that he could be extra persuasive that day. Do you see where this is going?

Finally the surprise was complete. "Call your husband home," they said. And she did. And they waited. She called back and they waited some more. Finally, the husband strolls in with his friend at his side. The wife throws her arms around him--Surprise! Look at the sea gulls! But, the husband seems irritated. Why? Does he think the sand all over the hardwood floors is absurd? Oh no, the wife has moved out of the way and he's getting a clear shot of the room now. Oh, there goes his expression--he's happy. The husband turns to . . . his "friend" and says, "Did you know about thisssss?" and he gives him a hug.

Now that's just good television. I don't care who y'are.