I have been wondering if I have lost my mind. On the boat everyday on my way into work, the nausea is so overwhelming at times I do not think I can go on. I see my girlfriends who have crossed over the comfort of two and think to myself that I really must be nuts. They never have minute to talk without some out burst of "no, put that down" and "hold on, Brian, noooooo!". I think how complicated and confusing it is to have two kids and be a full time high stressful job having mother and wonder how much crazier it will be with lucky number 3. What kind of adjustments and sacrifices we will all have to make with another baby in the house and it frightens me. I always thought two would be enough but then we really wanted to "TRY" for a boy and here I am....
On the nicer side of this internal debate with myself, the thought of a bigger family, the possibility of a boy and the thoughts of an itty bitty baby again make me smile and fill me with hope that the doubts and fears will fade away soon and that the joy children bring into the world will fill me with positive thoughts instead of the dread I have been feeling lately.
