Hola.  I'm writing a new entry because there's no way I could get this down to 300 words! This is such a tricky topic.  In principal, I try to let each parent parent in their own way, and not to impose  my views on them.  You know, I don't want to be judged, so I don't judge you.  However, in practice, this can be really hard.  Sometimes the choice is easy.  If someone else's style of dicipline or monitoring (or lack there of) is going to hurt or effect my children, I step up.  At play dates I used to sort of wait for the other mother to say something if her child was teasing or torturing my children, but as the kids have grown, I've become an immediate advocate for my kids.  If some other child is doing something we don't (excluding, hogging, teasing), I very politely tell them to please stop.  (If she's throwing rocks out of the treehouse at my 3 year old, I tell her to get down NOW.)  It's amazing how quickly most children listen to someone else's mother, and it can save a lot of hurt feelings.  At first, I felt like this was totally stepping on the other mother's toes, but I've sort of gotten over that.  I certainly don't mind if another mother politely disciplines my sons if they are acting like jerks.

This however brings up another - trickier point.  What about the parent who disciplines your child for something that you wouldn't have, or in a non-constructive way (like yellilng, or blaming)?  If this is a friend or a relative that you see often, this can become REALLY tricky.  The other parent isn't trying to be mean, but in a way, they are.  You don't want your children to think this type of behavior is okay with you if it isn't.  And you definately have to show your children that you will stick up for them - it's your job.  Doing this without ending a friendship or creating a family feud can be tricky.  We had a situation like this with my brother-in-law last year. (We have totally different views on child rearing, but each have 2 sons who are the same ages, so family get togethers were getting really tough.)  What we did, and what I think is the best thing to do, is that we had a parent meeting.  We sat down with each other, and without getting too offensive, we discussed how we each parent,  how we discipline, and how we would like each other to treat the kids.  It seems to have worked.  We each understand where the other person is coming from now.

In response to rockergrrl's post: if it's someone you see frequently, maybe you could have a short, but not too accusatory conversation with the person.  Start by saying that you noticed that they spanked their child, and that you would really appreciate it if they never spanked yours as punishment during a playdate.  Let them know you would prefer a time out.  THis might then start a discussion on spanking during which you could state your arguement against spanking.  If it doesn't, read the situation.  Try to make your comments without judging your friend, and remember that we all see things differently.  BUT, when it comes to your children, and how they are treated, be their advocate always.

Maybe you just won't have as many playdates with some people, or maybe you can find common ground.  I guess if we all parented the same way, we'd be one happy commune living on an organic farm in an idylic green setting with on demand baby sitting and adult only dinners every Friday night (well I would any way, and there would be a beach.)