Yesterday, in a bombed attempt at being a good hostess (another story for later, lol), I had a few major things I can't believe I forgot to deal with before my only two (out of what would have been ten or so) guests arrived. So, let my slip-ups be your reminders!

1. FLUSH- My son left a bomb in the toilet and told me the thing was all clogged up...oops. Totally forgot and my ever-so-polite guest brought it to my attention.

2. TOILET PAPER- Make sure you have it. Nothing says "what a great time!" than yelling from a friend's shitt*r , "do you have any tp?"

3. TOWELS- Don't forget to wash those buggers. Someone always spills, drops, pees or wants to shower unexpectedly, right?

4. BATHROOM- Yesterday, my son told me he washed the spatula from the brownies we made in the bathroom. Now, brownie smears on sink surfaces just looks terrible.  Any smears are gross (I have 3 boys, I'm okay with gross, lol) and toothpaste should not be splatter-painted on the sink...like it is at my house.

5. LITTER BOX- Change / refresh the box when guests are coming. My cat alway embarrasses me.

6. CLEAN SHEETS Damn, they take up a lot of time, space and effort, don't they?

7. LAUNDRY- Cover that hamper or let everyone see your bright pink thong...ooops.

8. KITCHEN- If MIL is coming, make sure the kitchen is marginally organized. When she decides to whip up some meal you can only dream of making and she can't find the measuring cups...bad DIL, bad!

9. AMBIANCE-Think about your guests woo or trick them into liking your chaotic house (or mine at least).  Tricks include: candles, music playlists, room sprays/oils (nothing freaky, natural is best), throw rugs, snacks in dishes, and recent pictures on display.

10. LIQUOR- Buy booze they like, right?

11.  TOILET SEAT- It goes with the bathroom duty but make sure it ain't rank...

12.  PILE- Pile everything, it makes the house look neater.

13.  STASH- Shove boxes of not-now-toys and crap you don't want taking up space in your living room.  Where? Attic, garage or closed off room/closet.

14.  CLEAN FRIDGE- Last week's salad is not cool.

15.  SLEEP STUFF- Make yourself seem all domestically functional by saying, oh, here's a clean blanket on a whim. I usually have to rummage around in the bottom of hampers and wash one and then remember to dry one the day people show up!

16.  DIG- Dig out your platters and wine glasses, etc. before people show up! I'm always rinsing and rummaging when people get hungry/thirsty.

17.  MENU- Plan whatever you'll be serving. This seems to be a persistant oversight in my life. Winging it is not easier when people are around. Have food /snacks on hand. Easy stand-by selections include: chips, dips, salsa, fruit, cheese, crackers, nuts, popcorn, coffee, tea, frozen appetizers (I love those tgif potato skins), guacamole (seven layer dip is easy & filling, right stickymommy?)

18. FLIPor SLIP- Flip cushions, wash slip-covers.  Hide juice stains and popcicle fall-out so your guests don'r feel sticky or slimy when they leave.:)

19.  AGENDA- If you'll have people mulling around, plan no-brainer activities. Make ornaments with grandma, bead necklaces with the cousins, box-fort building with uncle john...whatever! It'll keep pestering people from getting bored, restless or controlling the affairs of the house.

20. FIREPLACE- Get the logs ready. How many last minute dura-flame trips have you had to make? We've had a few too many!

OMG...unexpected guests are knocking at my door...I have done NONE of the above...got to run! Seriously, LOL!