MyBaby - would you dog whisper your kid?

would you dog whisper your kid?

Posted April 29, 2008 at 10:38AM in Discipline - Suggestions and Tips by dustbunny | Back

dishing the dirt, cleaning the chaos

I have a friend (who is awesome, just for the record) but she and her husband make a point to comment on how I deal with (and in many cases ignore) my son's noncompliant attitude with certain people.

I have a very difficult kid- one who doesn't work for peanuts, jump for carrots, care about things that don't relate to him, etc. He has always been difficult and my friends have no idea how many thousands of dollars, hours, tears, frustrations we've had with our oldest. They also have no idea that parenting him is a constant rotation of battles and that there are only so many I care to choose.

Their son, however, isn't like that. He's a people pleaser so he would naturally never rub people the wrong way intentionally to gain power. He uses charm to win people's approval but my son uses abrasiveness to just take people's attention- that's just how he is.

So, they've been making a lot of comments about how to train a kid, by getting in there and showing body language. They say they've been watching the Dog Whisperer and it helps the animal know who's boss. They also said, "well, if my kid acted like that, I'd take away skateboarding."

I was thinking, skateboarding is the only thing that makes him happy, and skateboarding has nothing to do with my son's problems. If anything, it's the only thing he's got making him happy. I don't mean spoiling him happy, I mean not angry, upset, frustrated and feeling crappy.

So, what should I do? Do I ignore the comments and keep up my oblivious act? It's kind of affecting me. I would never tell someone how to parent- I know they are giving advice, which I do all the time, so I totally get it if they are trying to be helpful. However, they are laying it on thick and I think they are trying to tell me who is right. In this case, they "know" they are right.

I do agree that body language affects how kids react but I'm just uncomfortable pretending to dog whisper my kids...thoughts?

Tags: parenting strategy, dog whisper

Comments

kelardo responded April 29, 2008 at 10:52AM

Where am I and what have they done to my body?

Can't you say something to the effect of "I appreciate your advice and I love that you care so much to offer it but you'r laying it on a little thick and while I may not parent the way you do, I do love my son and do my best to parent the way I see helps him" It's so hard to get or take advice from someone that is laying it on thick all the time because you automatially reject the advice before it's even offered thinking "here we go again. She/he is going to tell me what I'm doing wrong again" I'm sure they don't realize that what they are telling you is a little overbearing. And if hwy are your awesome friends, I'm sure they'll try to understand your perspective.

I have a friend who is also wonderful but as soon as I mention Michael has done somerhing or acted a certain way she automatically thinks that's my way of opening the floor to her dissertation on whatever the topic is. I took it for so long and now I try my best to say thanks but don't waste your energy telling me all of this. ;o)

tamhart9 responded April 29, 2008 at 11:34AM

Parenting is a lesson in itself. from baby to teen

Wow! I wonder if we all know a friend like this... I think I would have to have a talk with this friend. No one knows your son better than you and only you know what he needs... I think that if this is true a friend then they will understand... I also must say that I have difficulty with my oldest grand daughter too, I do not believe in spanking and therefore live by time out but as the children get older time out does not work, so then what do you do??? I think you must always keep the line of communication open but also let them realize that there is a consequence for the behavior they do if they be good behaviors or bad behaviors... Hope this helps

Mumsey responded April 29, 2008 at 12:03AM

My Mom used to say: "It's so much easier to raise someone else's kid than your own." In other words, people from the 'outside' - not the parent who's living it daily - think that what worked for them, will work for you. While they want to help, you could remind them (ever so gently) that each child is unique, and what works for their son or what they THINK would work for your son, doesn't. You love that they care, but you're doing the best you can. As I often said to my daughter, "I love you but I don't like what you are doing." She had her own drummer that she was dancing to, for sure, but she's turned out great. Your son will too, as he knows he's loved. Life isn't easy for him either, I'm sure.
P.S. Your family isn't a pack, your kid isn't a dog, and frankly, I don't like that show as the guy ALWAYS has to be top dog. Can you imagine living with him?? Bark Bark!

dustbunny responded April 29, 2008 at 12:24AM

dishing the dirt, cleaning the chaos

thanks for your comments, I feel good about it- and you totally get this situation...it's hard to navigate when other people get in the driver's seat!

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